At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
