Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
