ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
