He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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