Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
