I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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