when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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