Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
