she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
