Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
