She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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