I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
