if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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