And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Randomize
