Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
