Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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