I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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