Me too!
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
