You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
