I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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