I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
