The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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