I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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