shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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