You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
