i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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