i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
