what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
