So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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