just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I am spending my child support on dildos
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
