so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I FOUND THE LEGS
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
