i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
