so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
