well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
sarcasm needs its own font
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
