Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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