i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
You need Xanax blowdarts
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Randomize
