I wish I could punch you in the face.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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