Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Randomize
