he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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