When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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