he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
