the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
