i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
