So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
