You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
