No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
