you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
