I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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