I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
