They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
