Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
