24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
